Same Blog, Different Life

I've not stopped writing this blog because of neglect, laziness or indifference, although you could be forgiven for thinking so. Late last year my life changed dramatically, and although I continued with blogging the way I had been, casting our family in a happy, slightly wacky and creative light (which we were and still are), all through the fall I was struggling with a choice I made which altered our family forever.



At a certain point I couldn't continue what felt like a farce, and stopped posting. Then I went to Australia to see my family and posted a new blog so that my kids could keep track of my visit. Not at all a substitute for this one, I'm afraid, but at least a reminder of what I had loved doing. I still struggled with reconciling the blog I had started with the reality of my life now, and whether I could honestly share the truth instead of the airbrushed life I created here last year.



D and I have separated, and likely will not live together again. The reasons are not earth shattering, and I know many who can't understand how I could have made this choice, considering all the myriad implications, especially those concerning the children. Believe me, I struggle every day with this, and will continue to.



It has been a long six months, this winter. I have been elated, struck numb with horror, deeply confused, devastated, stupid, and wildly joyous. Sometimes all in the same day.
Then yesterday I did something painful but necessary to put myself on track again for where I am going. I slept deeply, the knot in my stomach eased. When I woke this morning birds were singing their morning chorus and the sun slanted across my bed. I live in a little town that I love, and spring is coming. I adore my children and will do all I can to give them a rich full life, even if it not the one we all ordered. And I have things to do. Like post my blog again, this time the real version.

Tidings of Comfort and Joy

"During the wintertime there's often, for those who are sensitive, a
very heightened sense of the sacred. You can feel it in the air. The
whole environment is pulling one's consciousness beyond the appearance
of things into what is prior to manifestation, to that light of being
which is presence itself." — Adyashanti

Crafty Things

This is not my work. This is my fourth graders handwork project. Sweet, no? Every section of this ball has a little embroidered picture. I love it, but it is not for me.



















Ok, these are mine. Made from sweaters of course, and presented in those Martha Stewart cupcake boxes.



















For a dear little girl, by request.



















There's more, but this is such a time of year for secrets. I just wanted to display that my hands have not been idle these winter evenings.

O Christmas Tree

It was raining in a drizzly down your collar sort of way instead of snowing in a White Christmas Sleighbells Jingling kind of way, but a promise had been made and so it was kept.
















There was enough residual snow to suggest winter, and certainly enough for Skaterboy to scrape together enough snowballs to annoy his sister, and so we set off across the fields last Sunday to find that perfect tree.



















We walked and walked, perusing White Pine, Scotch Pine and Blue Spruce. "Here's a nice one" and "What about this one?" was interspersed with "You guys are so stingy - this is the perfect $60 tree" and "You've got to be kidding me - that tree looks pregnant", and as it grew dark we despaired for the perfect tree.















But then, as dusk fully fell and all our toes succumbed to frostbite, the perfect tree was discovered. Dave made us sing O Christmas Tree and dance around it before he would cut it down, which even the twins were embarrassed about, but luckily it was too dark for anyone to see us by then. Finally, our Christmas Tree was hauled triumphantly back to the lodge and wrapped to come home.















Then the decorating commenced. With happy fervor the tree was set upon, and all our decorations hauled out to be remembered and reminisced over before being set carefully on the tree.



















We did bemoan our lack of fireplace, but cranked up the heater and made do.






































Once the tree was decorated we turned out the overhead light and performed Pagan rituals around it, like dancing wildly to Wham - 'Last Christmas' and Frank Sinatra, until bedtime.



















It's very beautiful, standing there in the corner of the living room, and I don't think it will matter how many times I do this, I'll never quite get over the shock and delight of rediscovering that there is a real live tree, covered in twinkly lights, actually in my house.

More From The House

Because my Mum said that more pictures wouldn't be boring. I love the way light loves this house. I thought it would be dark because of the panelling, but the sun slides in across the floor in the most soothing and sweet way.



















Here is where I sleep. This room is at the front of the house, with lots of windows and those wooden shutters. One morning I woke up when it was still dark and thought I saw a UFO. When I got up to look more closely I realized that it was the morning star slipping in and out of clouds as it set.















On my kitchen window sill.

































The happiest holiday thrift find to date. I love these three little carolers so much that I have forbidden the twins to play with them. Which means a lot, because traditionally at our house anything is fair game. But I have drawn the line at discovering these wrapped in washcloths in the play oven.

And Now We Are Six

My twins are six years old.






































We partied,


































blew out candles,















and gathered around to watch them tear through stacks of presents.













They are sweet, beautiful and wonderfully innocent. If only they'd stay six now for ever and ever.

New House Happiness

Well it's been a happy first week in the new house, doing all those nesting new house things. Here is a picture of my kitchen, which I have to say, really does make it look a lot classier than it is. But never mind, I still like it. A lot.















This is the master bedroom from the living room. The house has dark floorboards and paneling in those two rooms, but I think the effect is a little bit refined actually as long as I am vigilant with the removal of dog hair, because it shows up in the sun something terrible. Like this morning I had to vacuum before I could enjoy my breakfast. But I bought a dear little vacuum and she does a bang up job, so I don't mind, yet.



















Anyway, the house has all these different moods, which is interesting. The upstairs is carpeted and cozy, the girls bedroom is quite cottage-y with yellow walls and Skaterboy's bedroom has the unusual addition of a balcony which overlooks the kitchen. The kitchen is country-ish, and the living room and master bedroom are quite eighteen-hundreds dark wood.
So as you travel through the house it's like visiting different houses entirely, which I think contributes to the house seeming larger than it is. If it's not too boring I will take and post more pictures next time.



















Here's what we woke up to yesterday morning - hurray! First snow. The twins dashed out to romp and play, and I took this pic. from our front porch. That church across the street tolls the hour all day long with a variety of catchy and melancholic tunes, which is quite fun.
They say a change is as good as a holiday, but I have a feeling that living in this little town might actually feel like being on perpetual holiday. Lovely!