Yesterday

I didn't want to get up yesterday, if you want to know the truth. But the kids are on winter break, and I'm the mom, so up I got anyway. I felt grumpy and ill-equipped for being the mother I want to be, and as arguements around who put away more of the cutlery from the dishwasher began to heat up I did pat myself a little on the back for at least being having been able to see that our homeschooling days were done, and that this week is just a blip in our otherwise gratefully scheduled days. I need my space, that has become abundantly clear.

I was dragging, quite resenting the demands I knew the day was going to put on me, but someone had to get the give away bags for Purple Heart out of the basement and onto the front porch. Skaterboy was mad at me because I pulled him up short for laughing when Belle backed into the dishwasher door and fell over it, so I had to do it myself.

And wouldn't you know it, that helped!

I threw myself into my day, which I see D do sometimes on weekends, and it worked.
I started slow. I picked up and neatened three bomb-struck rooms. I made some beds. I patched things up with SB, who is a lovely child, and we played with his ferret together for a while. I said 'No' when I couldn't and 'Yes' when I could, and I didn't feel bad about either. I read some stories, I fixed a snack and a pot of noodles, and I cleaned out the bunny cage and put them back outside now that things have warmed up a bit.

I built a snowman with my girls, fixed a pot of tea for my lovely flyby friend Sho and had tea with her and all the kids. She tuned SB's mandolin and he played her my favorite song. Then I made banana bread with Cakes and the Bean, challenged Belle and SB to a Tetris championship on the computer and flaked out on the sofa with my own book for ten minutes. I read to Cakes and the Bean again, then Belle dragged them off to Daisys party, for which she had made sugar bread and salad and planned games. We all stood at the back door and watched as the rain turned to fist - sized snowflakes.

I made dinner, welcomed D home, put Cakes and the Bean to bed, sang four songs and found a lost bear, and played Cranium until eleven pm with D and the older two, with a lot of laughing and teasing and surprising eachother with our hidden abilities.

And to think I hadn't wanted to even show up.

Now, for today.